Neptune in Pisces

I thought about going down to the beach at night
Somewhere far south and rocky like the shore outside Adler
where the stars are and I got too high once drove too fast
and forgot my name but remembered to say I love you
before a crash that never came

I thought about disappearing into the cold water
without telling anyone where I was going or why
Out far into the algae and flowers like Ophelia
whose face I have carved in my left arm over old scars
No pupils where her eyes are

I don't think these things on purpose though I think
often it comes as I forget my place in people's lives
In the lake I can belong to nothing but the sky
If someone could tell me where I belong
lest it be on their mind



Graceland Twice

You said it again. I think you wish you’d kept
it to yourself. The reminisce. How you missed

that April’s cool air and soft bed of grass among
the dead. A bridge to cross, a lake to ponder. You stared at me,

I caught it. I stared ahead. I’m filled with so much dread, I can't
see past it. I wish the day back, though I shouldn’t.

You made a ghost of me. Empty vessel. We rocked shut
as an oyster, adductor muscles stuck. When you split

the heart open, it wasn’t blood that made such fools
of us. Where did longing get us? All this forced

distance, forced time? Unrealized yet, all written.
You said November should’ve ended. A fight we neither

won. What of it then? What has become of all this?
Who was it for? Who are you really? I know no lies,

lies and a grief. Which here was the lie—I love you or goodbye?
I’ll wait on the other side of time. Such memories just spin.

You saw me dizzy, caught my smile, made me laugh to keep
from crying. Made me dance. Took my hands, said two-step forth,

then back. Then you said come closer again. I got lost,
so small, in the weight of your palm. I was singing so quietly.

So quiet you couldn’t hear me. You asked if I’d sing it again.
I wish I had. How many times can I hear the same song?

How many times trying to get back, back, to memories gone?
Where are you now? You always asked this. Where are you

and what are you thinking? What ever were you thinking?
All that smoke, our frozen bones, the snow that glittered gold.

Oh, the year of it. When you held me, bruised red apple, you forgot
not to sink into the skin. All these reddened leaves and trees

remain mantled on my wall. You’ve taken leave. Why ever
would you beg me stay then just to leave? What of this

window, yours, this window on my wall? One you called
ours but never really was. The leaves, now, they’re changing.

Haven’t fallen quite yet. They don’t seem to
want to. Like me, they can’t let go.